Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear
Last weekend was my friend Mitch's bachelor party. This meant that effectively all of our menfolk were out at the strip club on Saturday night, leaving us chicks, including Mitch's blushing bride-to-be, Lisa, without plans. So rather than mope at home by ourselves and worry about what they're all up to, we all decided to go out, just the girls, and do something fun, despite the fact that there is an actual bachelorette party on the calendar planned for this evening. So Lisa gathered up some of the girls and we went out karaoke-ing.
Our experiences that night have inspired me to create the following Rules of Karaoke(tm):
1.You do not talk about karaoke. Punch your weight. Unless you are a devoted fan of the artist or have been practicing at home, you are probably not going to be able to do any rap song other than "Ice Ice Baby". Same goes for that reggaeton stuff or Celine Dion, though why you would ever want to karaoke either is totally beyond me.
Okay, okay, there's one time Celine Dion is all right, and that's if you've just been dumped, you've cleaned out the bar's supply of Ketel One, and you want to do "All By Myself" in a weepy, slurry fashion. That's always okay. In fact, it's encouraged. It's almost enough to make me wish I'd get dumped just so I can do it myself. (Just kidding, honey! Don't make any sudden moves there! I'm not done with you yet!)
But even then, you might be better off with the Eric Carmen version, which I unapologetically love, mostly because it enables me to sing along with Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto without having to make up my own words.
2. Practicing at home is lame. Though if you find yourself singing along to the radio and you think "hey, I could do that at karaoke" and then you fire up your ipod and sing along with it again just to be sure you can hit all the notes, that's not. Wait a minute, yes it is.
3. Don't take yourself seriously. You are not going to be discovered at karaoke. Although sometimes I think the best prank ever would be to show up to some crappy karaoke bar wearing a very stylish suit and carrying a clipboard. I'd then pretend to make notes while people sang, and then I'd go up to the singer who seems to be the most self-important and tell them I work in A&R for a big record company.
4. Do something the bar knows. People go to karaoke because they love to sing, not because they love to hear YOU sing. So truck out something that has a participatory chorus, because you will win over the audience by letting them help you out. Failing that, at least do something your friends know, so someone will have your back when you lose the beat.
(My personal favorite these days is "Downtown." Despite the fact that I really can't sing all that well even when it's not allergy season, the bar always loves it. I am merely the vessel that delivers it to them.)
5. You get extra added fun points if you do something completely anachronistic, e.g. you are a large black guy singing "One of Us" by Joan Osbourne or you are a hipster dude singing Britney Spears. I've seen both. Both rocked my socks.
6. If someone does a song you like and you don't feel they did it justice, it is not - I repeat, NOT - okay to then put that song in and sing it yourself ten minutes later. (Yes, some asshat actually did this at the bar we were at last weekend.) They got to it first. Find something else to sing.
7. If someone does a song you like, it is also really not okay to grab the other mic and sing along with them. Should the microphone get taken away from you when you do this, it is really not okay to insist that you "don't need to be amplified" and then stand in the back and scream out the words louder than the person who is supposed to be singing the song. (I'm looking at you, asshat who was referenced in rule number 6.)
Our experiences that night have inspired me to create the following Rules of Karaoke(tm):
1.
Okay, okay, there's one time Celine Dion is all right, and that's if you've just been dumped, you've cleaned out the bar's supply of Ketel One, and you want to do "All By Myself" in a weepy, slurry fashion. That's always okay. In fact, it's encouraged. It's almost enough to make me wish I'd get dumped just so I can do it myself. (Just kidding, honey! Don't make any sudden moves there! I'm not done with you yet!)
But even then, you might be better off with the Eric Carmen version, which I unapologetically love, mostly because it enables me to sing along with Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto without having to make up my own words.
2. Practicing at home is lame. Though if you find yourself singing along to the radio and you think "hey, I could do that at karaoke" and then you fire up your ipod and sing along with it again just to be sure you can hit all the notes, that's not. Wait a minute, yes it is.
3. Don't take yourself seriously. You are not going to be discovered at karaoke. Although sometimes I think the best prank ever would be to show up to some crappy karaoke bar wearing a very stylish suit and carrying a clipboard. I'd then pretend to make notes while people sang, and then I'd go up to the singer who seems to be the most self-important and tell them I work in A&R for a big record company.
4. Do something the bar knows. People go to karaoke because they love to sing, not because they love to hear YOU sing. So truck out something that has a participatory chorus, because you will win over the audience by letting them help you out. Failing that, at least do something your friends know, so someone will have your back when you lose the beat.
(My personal favorite these days is "Downtown." Despite the fact that I really can't sing all that well even when it's not allergy season, the bar always loves it. I am merely the vessel that delivers it to them.)
5. You get extra added fun points if you do something completely anachronistic, e.g. you are a large black guy singing "One of Us" by Joan Osbourne or you are a hipster dude singing Britney Spears. I've seen both. Both rocked my socks.
6. If someone does a song you like and you don't feel they did it justice, it is not - I repeat, NOT - okay to then put that song in and sing it yourself ten minutes later. (Yes, some asshat actually did this at the bar we were at last weekend.) They got to it first. Find something else to sing.
7. If someone does a song you like, it is also really not okay to grab the other mic and sing along with them. Should the microphone get taken away from you when you do this, it is really not okay to insist that you "don't need to be amplified" and then stand in the back and scream out the words louder than the person who is supposed to be singing the song. (I'm looking at you, asshat who was referenced in rule number 6.)
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